If your family is grieving
A memory box is one gentle activity, not a treatment for grief, and it is fine if your child is not ready for it. A pediatrician, mental health professional or children's grief program can help if you or your child are struggling.
Making a Memory Box With a Grieving Child
How to make a simple box of keepsakes your child can return to whenever they want
Quick answer
Find any box with a lid, let your child decorate it, and together choose things that hold a memory of the person, such as photos, a piece of clothing or a card. A short note about why each item matters can help later. Choose a safe spot together, and let your child decide when to open it and whether to share it.
At a glance
Things to try now
What to do now
- 1Find a box with a lid. A shoebox is enough
- 2Ask your child to pick one thing that reminds them of the person
- 3Write down, or help your child write down, one sentence about why it matters
What to say
- “This box is yours. You can open it whenever you want, and you get to decide who sees it.”
- “What does this make you think of when you hold it?”
- “It's okay if looking at these things makes you sad, and it's okay if you don't want to look today.”
What to practice consistently
- Letting your child choose, even when you would choose differently
- Adding to the box after birthdays, anniversaries or a remembered story
- Making a separate box of your own if there are things you want to keep
What to avoid
- Adding items with no story attached just to fill the box
- Asking your child to open or share it on your schedule
- Putting small, breakable or unsafe items within a toddler's reach. An adult can keep those aside until later
These are common approaches mentioned in sources and by parents. They are informational, not prescriptive.
What parents say
We haven't published parent perspectives on this topic yet.
What this usually involves
- Any box, such as a shoebox with a lid
- Decorating it with stickers, crayons, markers or pictures
- Choosing objects that each carry a memory
- Adding a short note on why an item matters
- Choosing a safe place together
- Adding to it over time, if the child wants
Related questions
The American Cancer Society suggests continuing to talk about the person and share memories in age-appropriate ways.
Child Bereavement UK's list includes letters, objects the person valued, items from the funeral, and things linked to smells and favorite songs.
Macmillan Cancer Support says a box can include photos, letters, recorded messages and objects with a note attached, and it can be as simple as you like.
Related articles on Parent.wiki
Keeping a Parent's Memory Alive for a Young Child
A very young child may hold few memories of their own, so much of the connection can come from the people around them. Grief and cancer care organizations describe simple ways to help: keeping belongings and photos, talking about the parent at the child's level, and marking days that mattered. There is no right way to do this and no schedule for it.
What to Save After a Family Member Dies
Most decisions about belongings can wait until you feel ready. A few digital things are easier to lose, so it can help to leave phones and accounts as they are while you work out what is there. Children's grief guidance points to clothing, photos and everyday objects as things children may treasure.
Leaving Memories for Your Children During a Terminal Illness
A recording, a letter or a small box of objects can all give children something of you to return to, and none of them needs to be long or finished. Cancer and end-of-life organizations also point out that ordinary time together can become comforting memories. Hospices and care teams may be able to help with the practical side.
How to Talk With Your Child About Shared Memories
Researchers call it elaborative reminiscing: chatting about shared events with open questions, added details, talk about feelings and room for the child's own version. It has been linked to stronger memory, language and emotional skills. It can be learned, and it fits into ordinary moments.