How to Talk With Your Child About Shared Memories
A simple back-and-forth way of talking about the day and the past with a young child.
Quick answer
Ask open questions, add a little detail, confirm what your child offers and talk about how people felt. Then follow where your child takes the story, rather than testing what they remember.
At a glance
Things to try now
What to do now
- 1Pick one thing you did together this week.
- 2Ask one open question about it, then wait.
- 3Add one small detail or feeling, and repeat back what your child says.
What to say
- “What did we see at the park that made you laugh?”
- “Yes, the ducks! And then one came right up to us. How did that feel?”
- “I remember you were a bit scared at first. What do you remember?”
What to practice consistently
- Following what interests your child, even when it is not what you hoped to talk about.
- Saying yes to what your child offers, then building on it.
- Talking about feelings, both happy and hard.
What to avoid
- Asking the same question repeatedly without adding anything new.
- Turning the chat into a memory test.
- Assuming you know what upset your child. Asking openly may surprise you.
These are common approaches mentioned in sources and by parents. They are informational, not prescriptive.
What parents say
We haven't published parent perspectives on this topic yet.
What this usually involves
- Choosing something you did together
- Asking open questions
- Adding a detail your child can build on
- Confirming what your child says
- Naming how people felt
Related questions
One review puts the average earliest memory near age two and a half, and the answer varies with how memory is studied.
Research links knowing family history with better wellbeing in teens, though most of it is correlational.
The studies here focus largely on mothers, so they do not answer this directly; the Salmon and Reese review describes reminiscing as open to all families.
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Worth remembering?
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