If your family is grieving
This page covers keepsakes and account access in general terms and is not legal advice, and company rules can change. For support with grief, a pediatrician, mental health professional or children's grief program can help.
What to Save After a Family Member Dies
What can wait, and what is worth protecting before phones reset or accounts close
Quick answer
Most of this can wait unless something practical, such as a lease or estate deadline, sets a date. Hold on to some clothing, photos, letters and objects with a story, and do not reset the person's phone or close their accounts until you have found out what each company requires and who has authority to act.
At a glance
Things to try now
What to do now
- 1Put the person's phone and laptop somewhere safe, and do not reset them
- 2Set aside a few items of clothing and any letters or cards before anything is given away
- 3Write down what accounts you know about and whether a Legacy Contact or similar plan exists
What to say
- “Is there anything of Grandpa's you would like to keep? You don't have to decide today.”
- “I am keeping some of Mom's things for you, so they are here when you want them.”
What to practice consistently
- Asking children and teens what they would like, including those who say nothing right now
- Adding a short note to objects saying who they belonged to and why they mattered
- Keeping two copies of anything digital, stored in separate places
What to avoid
- Asking Google to close an account before any request for its contents has finished. Google says it cannot turn over contents once an account is closed
- Erasing or reusing a device before checking what is on it
- Feeling you have to clear belongings by a certain date, if nothing practical requires it
These are common approaches mentioned in sources and by parents. They are informational, not prescriptive.
What parents say
We haven't published parent perspectives on this topic yet.
What this usually involves
- Setting aside clothing, photos, letters and objects with a story
- Keeping the person's phone and computer as they are
- Finding out whether they named a Legacy Contact or a Google inactive account plan
- Keeping copies of the death certificate handy
- Saving voice recordings in at least two places
Related questions
Apple says messages stay until you delete them or your carrier erases them if they are not stored in iCloud, and that changing a SIM can also delete them.
Child Bereavement UK suggests that each item in the box carries a story, with a note saying why it matters.
Apple's Legacy Contact and Google's Inactive Account Manager both let an account holder name people in advance.
Related articles on Parent.wiki
Keeping a Parent's Memory Alive for a Young Child
A very young child may hold few memories of their own, so much of the connection can come from the people around them. Grief and cancer care organizations describe simple ways to help: keeping belongings and photos, talking about the parent at the child's level, and marking days that mattered. There is no right way to do this and no schedule for it.
Saving a Voicemail From Someone Who Died
Voicemails can be held by a phone company rather than on your phone, so they are not always as permanent as they feel. The aim is to get a copy of the audio out of the voicemail system and keep it in at least two places. Exact steps depend on your phone and carrier.
Making a Memory Box With a Grieving Child
A memory box is any box where a child keeps things that remind them of the person who died. Bereavement organizations describe it as a way to stay connected to memories, even when that brings sadness. It can be a shoebox, and it can keep growing for years.
Why Family Stories Matter for Children
Research has linked knowing and sharing family stories with better wellbeing in children and teens. Most of that research is correlational and drawn from fairly narrow samples, so it cannot show that stories cause the benefit. Telling stories costs little, and everyday chat counts.