If your family is grieving
This page offers ideas for keeping a memory close. It does not replace care from a pediatrician, mental health professional or children's grief program, any of whom can help if you or your child are struggling. Grief has no timetable.
Keeping a Parent's Memory Alive for a Young Child
Small, repeatable ways to give a young child a connection to the parent who died
Quick answer
Keep some of the parent's clothing, photos and belongings within reach, keep talking about them in words your child can follow, and return to small rituals such as a favorite meal or their birthday. Let your child set the pace, and answer questions honestly, including with "I don't know."
At a glance
Things to try now
What to do now
- 1Set aside one item of clothing and a few photos for your child
- 2Tell one short story about the parent today, even a very small one
- 3Start a note on your phone for stories and details as you or others remember them
What to say
- “Your dad died. His body stopped working, and he cannot come back. We can talk about him any time you want.”
- “Would you like to hear about something silly your mom used to do?”
- “I don't know the answer to that. I'm really glad you asked me.”
What to practice consistently
- Saying the parent's name in ordinary moments, not only on sad days
- Following your child's questions rather than offering everything at once
- Letting your child see that you miss the parent too, in whatever way feels honest
What to avoid
- Soft phrases such as went to sleep, which can make a child wonder if the parent will wake up or make bedtime scary
- Reading a child's quick return to play as a sign they have stopped grieving
- Feeling that you have missed a window. These conversations can start or restart at any age
These are common approaches mentioned in sources and by parents. They are informational, not prescriptive.
What parents say
We haven't published parent perspectives on this topic yet.
What this usually involves
- Keeping a few of the parent's things where a child can reach them
- Using the parent's name in everyday conversation
- Telling short stories, and telling them again
- Marking a birthday or another day in your family's own way
- Answering the same question more than once
Related questions
Sesame Workshop suggests gathering photos, drawings, clothing or books into a simple box that a young child decorates and can look through whenever they like.
The American Cancer Society notes that clothing, photos and other belongings can help children feel connected to the person who died.
Memorial Sloan Kettering lists sharing a special meal, visiting a favorite place or celebrating the parent's birthday among the ways families stay connected.
Related articles on Parent.wiki
Making a Memory Box With a Grieving Child
A memory box is any box where a child keeps things that remind them of the person who died. Bereavement organizations describe it as a way to stay connected to memories, even when that brings sadness. It can be a shoebox, and it can keep growing for years.
Leaving Memories for Your Children During a Terminal Illness
A recording, a letter or a small box of objects can all give children something of you to return to, and none of them needs to be long or finished. Cancer and end-of-life organizations also point out that ordinary time together can become comforting memories. Hospices and care teams may be able to help with the practical side.
What to Save After a Family Member Dies
Most decisions about belongings can wait until you feel ready. A few digital things are easier to lose, so it can help to leave phones and accounts as they are while you work out what is there. Children's grief guidance points to clothing, photos and everyday objects as things children may treasure.
How to Talk With Your Child About Shared Memories
Researchers call it elaborative reminiscing: chatting about shared events with open questions, added details, talk about feelings and room for the child's own version. It has been linked to stronger memory, language and emotional skills. It can be learned, and it fits into ordinary moments.