A child's story can include hard things
This page offers general guidance and is not legal or clinical advice. The child's social worker, agency, pediatrician or a mental health professional can advise on what to include and how to share difficult history.
Making a Lifebook for an Adopted or Foster Child
How to build an honest record of a child's story that belongs to the child, gaps included
Quick answer
Start with a three-ring binder and whatever you have: photos, names of people and places, school and medical details. Check with the child's social worker about what to include, be truthful about what is unknown, and hold difficult material aside until the child is ready. The child decides who sees it, and it goes with them if they move.
At a glance
Things to try now
What to do now
- 1Get a three-ring binder and add one page with what you already know, even if it is short
- 2Ask the child's social worker what information you can include and what records are available
- 3Scan or photograph anything irreplaceable, with permission, and keep the copies elsewhere
What to say
- “This book is yours. You decide who gets to look at it.”
- “We don't know that part yet. If we find out, we can add it.”
- “What happened to you was not your fault.”
What to practice consistently
- Adding to the book in small, regular moments
- Telling the story in simple parts and adding detail as your child grows
- Using respectful words for birth family, such as birth parents, and avoiding phrases like given up
What to avoid
- Filling a gap with a guess or a kinder story that may not be true
- Making the book only positive. It can hold hard facts, at a pace the child can manage
- Letting the only copy travel with no backup, since originals can be lost or destroyed
These are common approaches mentioned in sources and by parents. They are informational, not prescriptive.
What parents say
We haven't published parent perspectives on this topic yet.
What this usually involves
- A binder with protective pages, so pages can be added over time
- Birth, family, placement, medical and school information
- Photos, notes from people who know the child, and the child's own drawings
- A pouch or folder for material that is not yet right for the child's age
- Coordination with the social worker
- Copies kept in case the original is lost
Related questions
For adopted children, the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests starting early with simple parts of the story and adding detail as they grow.
For adopted children, the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests beginning topics such as abuse, trauma and substance use with school-age children.
Fostering Perspectives says a lifebook is usually started when a child leaves birth parents' care, and that starting later is still worthwhile.
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