Questions to Ask Parents and Grandparents
A ready starting list that goes beyond names and dates
Quick answer
Choose a few specific questions about people, places and turning points: how a couple met, where a family name came from, what a favorite relative was like, how a war or hard time affected the family. Add what you personally want to know, such as how your parent chose your name or what you were like as a baby.
At a glance
Things to try now
What to do now
- 1Write down the three things you would most regret not asking
- 2Add two questions from the list on this page
- 3Send one question by text or ask it at the next call
What to say
- “How did the two of you meet, and what did you notice first?”
- “Where does our family name come from, and did it ever change?”
- “What was I like when I was small, and how did you pick my name?”
What to practice consistently
- Asking about one specific day or person rather than a whole decade
- Following up with who, where and what happened next
- Writing down new questions as they occur to you
What to avoid
- Asking every question in one sitting
- Correcting someone's version of a story, since different versions are part of the record
- Pressing on a topic the person has declined
These are common approaches mentioned in sources and by parents. They are informational, not prescriptive.
What parents say
We haven't published parent perspectives on this topic yet.
What this usually involves
- Childhood, home and favorite relatives
- How couples met and married
- Family names, sayings and recipes
- Heirlooms, photos and who keeps them
- How wars, the Depression or other large events touched the family
- What your parent remembers about raising you
Related questions
The Smithsonian suggests starting with a story the person already knows well and letting them wander.
The Smithsonian notes that some relatives share more with one family member than another, so a different interviewer can draw out different stories.
The Smithsonian prompts ask where a recipe came from, how it was passed down and whether it is still used.
Related articles on Parent.wiki
How to Interview a Grandparent or Aging Parent
A family interview tends to go better as a conversation than as a formal sit-down. Smithsonian and StoryCorps guidance points to a comfortable setting, a few specific questions, close listening and stopping when the person tires. One short talk is a perfectly good start.
When You Never Finished the Baby Book
It is not too late to write things down, and no source here suggests a complete baby book matters. A few short notes about what you still remember, kept wherever is easy, can do much of what the book was for. Developmental milestones can live somewhere else entirely.
What to Save After a Family Member Dies
Most decisions about belongings can wait until you feel ready. A few digital things are easier to lose, so it can help to leave phones and accounts as they are while you work out what is there. Children's grief guidance points to clothing, photos and everyday objects as things children may treasure.
Starting Family Traditions That Stick
Research has linked family routines and rituals with child adjustment and parenting competence, though the evidence has real limits and does not show that traditions are the cause. A tradition can be small. It is more likely to feel worthwhile when it suits the family and stays enjoyable.
Worth remembering?
Parent.wiki helps you figure out what to try. HeyRosie can help you capture what happened, what worked, and the moments you want to keep.
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