Starting Family Traditions That Stick
What the research links to traditions, and how to begin small
Quick answer
Research has linked family routines and rituals to child adjustment and to parenting competence, but it does not prove that traditions cause those outcomes. To start one, pick something small your family already enjoys, ask the children for ideas, repeat it, and change or drop it if it starts to feel like a chore.
At a glance
Things to try now
What to do now
- 1Ask everyone at dinner what they would like the family to do every year
- 2Name one thing your family already does that could become a tradition
- 3Put one small date on the calendar for this year
What to say
- “What is something we do that you would want to keep doing every year?”
- “When I was little, we always did this. Want to try our own version?”
- “This one is not working anymore. Should we change it or try something else?”
What to practice consistently
- Telling the story behind a tradition while you do it
- Letting children take over part of it as they get older
- Treating a missed year as a pause rather than a failure
What to avoid
- Starting several traditions at once
- Keeping one going out of obligation when nobody enjoys it
- Assuming there is one right kind, since how routines look varies by culture and with children's ages
These are common approaches mentioned in sources and by parents. They are informational, not prescriptive.
What parents say
We haven't published parent perspectives on this topic yet.
What this usually involves
- Thinking about what you loved, or missed, as a child
- Asking children what they would enjoy
- Choosing one small repeatable thing
- Attaching it to a date or season
- Adjusting it as children grow
Related questions
The Smithsonian's family folklore prompts suggest asking where a recipe came from, how it was passed down and whether it is still used.
St. Louis Children's Hospital lists New Year's letters, opened the following year, among its tradition ideas.
The 2002 Fiese review describes routines as observable repeated practices and rituals as symbolic representations of collective events.
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Questions to Ask Parents and Grandparents
The most useful questions are specific and open enough to invite a story. StoryCorps and the Smithsonian publish free lists that cover childhood, courtship, family sayings, recipes, heirlooms and how big historical events touched the family. A handful of questions is a simple place to start.
Worth remembering?
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