Communication help, not legal advice
This page covers how to talk with relatives and does not cover legal rights or custody matters. If there is a safety concern or court order involved, speak with a family lawyer or domestic violence advocate.
When Relatives Post Your Child Without Permission
How to ask for a post to come down and set expectations without a family rupture
Quick answer
Ask the person directly and politely to delete the post or crop your child out, and say exactly what you are comfortable with. Removing a tag does not remove the photo. For the future, tell relatives your rules before the next event and expect to repeat them.
At a glance
Things to try now
What to do now
- 1Agree with your partner or co-parent on your rule and who will speak to which relative
- 2Send a short private message asking for this post to be deleted or cropped, and for any names and location tags to come off
- 3If your child is tagged, remove the tag if you can, and still ask the poster to delete the photo
What to say
- “I know you're proud of her and it means a lot. We're keeping her photos off social media, so could you please take this one down today?”
- “We're fine with you having the photos. We just ask that they don't go online, or at most go to the private family group.”
- “Once something is online, anyone can share it, and we want to keep that decision for her until she can make it herself.”
What to practice consistently
- Telling relatives your rule before gatherings, not after
- Staying calm and repeating the same short message
- Asking your child how they feel about being posted as they get older
What to avoid
- Raising it in public comments, where it may be harder for the person to back down
- Implying your approach is better than theirs
- Assuming that removing a tag takes the photo down
These are common approaches mentioned in sources and by parents. They are informational, not prescriptive.
What parents say
We haven't published parent perspectives on this topic yet.
What this usually involves
- Agreeing with your partner or co-parent on what is and is not okay
- Making a direct request about the specific post
- Offering something you can accept, such as a private group or a photo without your child's face
- Explaining your reasons if they push back
- Repeating expectations as new relatives and occasions come along
Related questions
Common Sense Media suggests limiting the audience or using a login-protected photo-sharing site, which can give relatives a way to see pictures without posting them.
The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests asking children and teens first, and Common Sense Media suggests asking your child how they feel about being posted as they get older.
The Family Online Safety Institute advises against using a child's photo as a profile picture, which can be a useful point to raise in the same polite request.
Related articles on Parent.wiki
Is It Safe to Post Pictures of Your Child Online?
The American Academy of Pediatrics says there is no single right answer: posting is common and not inherently wrong, but it can never be fully safe. The main concerns are losing control of an image, revealing where a child is, and how the image could be reused. Parents can reduce these risks by limiting the audience and what each photo shows.
Asking Your Child Before You Post
The American Academy of Pediatrics, UNICEF and the Family Online Safety Institute all favor bringing children into posting decisions, with more say as they grow. Very young children cannot give informed consent, so parents still decide for them and can consider their feelings. Asking also shows children how to treat other people's images.
How to Talk With Your Child About Shared Memories
Researchers call it elaborative reminiscing: chatting about shared events with open questions, added details, talk about feelings and room for the child's own version. It has been linked to stronger memory, language and emotional skills. It can be learned, and it fits into ordinary moments.
Capturing Memories Without Living Through Your Phone
No source sets a right number of photos, and the researchers who studied this say the balance point is still unknown. Research does suggest that photos can add to enjoyment unless taking them gets in the way or you are already busy joining in. A few light limits can let you keep the moments and still be there for them.