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Helping Siblings Resolve Conflicts Independently
A structured overview of what credible sources and parent perspectives commonly say about this topic.
Quick answer
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends allowing children to try resolving minor disputes independently to build negotiation and conflict-resolution skills, while stepping in for physical or harmful conflicts. Key strategies include teaching specific phrases for expressing feelings, praising problem-solving attempts, and avoiding taking sides.
At a glance
Things to try now
What to do now
- 1Teach your children specific phrases to express their feelings, such as 'I feel upset when you take my toy without asking.'
- 2Set and clearly communicate family rules that physical aggression is not allowed.
- 3Praise your children when they use words to solve problems or take turns.
What to say
- “I see you're both upset. Can you tell each other what you want using words?”
- “Remember, hitting is not okay, but you can tell your sibling how you feel.”
- “Thank you for asking nicely for a turn—that's a great way to solve problems!”
What to practice consistently
- Spend regular one-on-one time with each child to reduce competition for attention.
- Encourage siblings to work together on shared tasks or projects to build cooperation.
- Model calm and respectful conflict resolution in your own interactions.
What to avoid
- Taking sides or showing favoritism during conflicts.
- Intervening immediately in minor disputes without giving children a chance to resolve them.
- Comparing siblings to each other, even positively.
These are common approaches mentioned in sources and by parents. They are informational, not prescriptive.
What this usually involves
- Teaching children specific phrases to express their feelings and needs, e.g., 'I don't like it when you take my toys. Can I have a turn next?'
- Setting clear family rules that physical aggression is unacceptable
- Encouraging children to use words and negotiation to solve problems
- Spending one-on-one time with each child to reduce competition for parental attention
- Praising children when they successfully use words to resolve conflicts
- Creating structured family activities that promote collaboration rather than competition
Related questions
Spend individual quality time with each child, avoid comparisons, and encourage cooperative activities to build positive relationships.
Parents should step in when conflicts become physical, emotionally harmful, or when children cannot resolve disputes after repeated attempts.
Phrases like 'I don't like it when you take my toys,' or 'Can I have a turn next?' help children communicate needs respectfully.
Related articles on Parent.wiki
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Sibling rivalry is a common part of childhood, especially when children are close in age or when a new sibling arrives. Parents can help siblings get along better by setting clear family rules, encouraging communication with words, spending one-on-one time with each child, and teaching conflict resolution skills.
Effective Strategies for Helping Siblings Get Along Better
Sibling rivalry is a common and normal part of family life, especially when children are close in age or when a new sibling arrives. Parents can help siblings get along better by setting clear family rules, encouraging verbal expression of feelings, spending one-on-one time with each child, and teaching conflict resolution skills.
Reducing Sibling Rivalry and Fostering Cooperation in Families
Sibling rivalry is a common developmental challenge that can be managed by setting clear family rules, encouraging verbal expression of feelings, and spending focused one-on-one time with each child. Structured family activities that promote collaboration rather than competition help build positive shared experiences and reduce conflict.
When to Seek Professional Help for Sibling Conflicts
Sibling conflicts are a normal part of childhood development, often reflecting children learning to negotiate relationships and express emotions. Parents should consider professional help when conflicts become frequent, intense, or involve physical or emotional harm, or when underlying issues like stress or developmental concerns may be contributing.
From around the web
Sibling Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Get Along
Guidance on understanding and managing sibling rivalry with practical tips for parents.
American Academy of Pediatrics
Helping Siblings Get Along
Resources focused on fostering positive sibling relationships and conflict resolution skills.
ZERO TO THREE
Sibling Conflict and How to Handle It
Advice on reducing sibling rivalry and promoting healthy interactions.
Child Mind Institute